As we speed along to our future destination, i can't help but wonder, do we ever get there?
You always have all these ideas about where you will be at certain points in your life, these points continually change, morph and the lines become unclear. I'm at that wierd age of the mid twenties, the age where the path you took even as far back as 16 and the choices you made have sculpted for your self probably where probably the start to the end. Not many people radically wake up at 30 and decide to change the course of their lives completely, a few, but not many, afterall you can't undo motherhood, and even mortgages and career choices arn't so easy to undo.
I don't even know how or why i decided to be a photographer, it just happened, it certainly wasn't my lifelong dream. At school I wanted to be a vet, but my science was my weakest subject, then a journalist or an author, but i did always love to paint, I was always creative, then when i started using a camera in my final year at uni I just never put it down and I just can't imagine any other future right now.
last night i did an evening promotions job, havn't done this for a long time, i've been more or less a sole photographer for the past four months. Nothing difficult standing around looking glam and collecting raffle tickets at a charity cricket bash, but i'm so tired of it all, full of ageing men and a few young cad's who would actually be rather appealing if it wasn't for the fact that when they talk to me all I can think is, 'you smarmy bastard, you think i'm easy and thick because i'm a promotions girl with long blonde hair', which could be rather unfair.
so that makes me ask the question? is it the man we like or the situation we meet them in? Meeting decent men in London is hard enough but I always find myself immediately turned off by all men in certain environments, it's like nightclubs,
I don't even give men a chance, I look around when i walk in and think, yeah there are some nice looking guys here, I see them getting drunk around me, look around again 5 belinis later and don't see anyone I would even want to pass the time of day with. Is this because the nice men don't frequent clubs and bars? Am I going to the wrong clubs and bars, or is it just that we are seeing these guys in their worst light, if I were to bump into one of them the following day browsing books in waterstones, I'd probably be bowled over, but thats just the kind of occasion when the men have returned to their decent self respecting selves and can no longer approach you,
so it's a no win situation, when you both have confidence thats unnatractive and when you don't it's attractive but unaproachable. I guess there are just times, places and whats meant to be but maybe sometimes we should break out of our comfort zone in the search for mr right.
On a side note i've been working on lots of images for a training school for hair called allilon,
it was amazing to see the skill involved in cutting the hair. After the job I received the congratulatory thanking email but it was this line that made me think
"i hope you enjoyed the hair i know its very different from the kind of thing you see on a regular bases and i think you seeing hair being cut like that over time will influence the way you see shooting hair."
I think it will influence more than the way I shoot hair, that sense of perfection, non of the 'oh ill just touch that up get rid of that later' talk, it did inspire me.
I'll post up a couple of the shots.
On wednesday I am teaching a rather special lady how to use photoshop. I have met a few people now in my life who I know came there for a reason,
some people come into your life because you like to hang out with them and you can pass the time of day easily and some people to make a profound difference to your plan and future, I know she is the latter, I don't know how long she will stay in my life but I know she will make a difference.
someone somewhere said everyone is on this planet to attribute to a greater goal and once your contribution is made thats it. Thats why some people die young because without them even knowing their goal was accomplished simply through them being alive for that short amount of time.I don't know how true that is and I need to look up the theory properly, i'm always collecting clippets of information and never the whole, but it's an interesting in theory.